Running from Goals

The Contradictions of a Runner Without Headphones

I’ve been running without apps in my ear telling me how far I’ve run, what my current pace is compared to the previous km, and how much further I need to go to reach my goal. It’s liberating.

I’ve also been running without headphones. It seems strange. I feel judgmental looks passing by me: isn’t that person listening to a podcast? An audiobook? Isn’t he not even listening to music?

Just running and listening to the world around me has been really good. I ran like this for almost a year, since we moved to Porto Alegre. Until last week, when I took my headphones to listen to music and, without being able to explain exactly why, I opened that damn running app. Which accompanied me throughout the run. And you know what? It made me go further.

The Cynicism of Goals as Incentives

I see something cynical in goals as incentives. The carrot in front of the donkey. The goals that, you see, make us go further… Hm. I feel this because they can be the recipe for all kinds of abuse. Physical and mental. But the reality is that I’ve repeated the use of the running app the last 3 times and improved my performance.

Now here I am, trying to reconcile these internal issues — in fact, I sat on a park bench and outlined the topics of this article right there at the end of the last run.

The Contradictions of a Calm Company Founder

As the founder of a calm company, I find myself in contradiction quite often. It’s 5:26 am now, for example. We’re having our best year and a great friend laughed: “Remember when you were super anxious and worried? Hahaha, it’s always like that.” And it is. Always like that. Which makes me question: are we having the best year because I was anxious? If I hadn’t been, would we have achieved what we have today?

Maybe the problem is when goals are imposed on us by other people. When we don’t have the autonomy to decide when we want to run or just walk. It’s a form of self-respect to know and be able to decide about it.

It’s now 5:42 am but I’m not here wanting to be somewhere else. I love waking up early to read, think and write. I don’t need a goal for that. Going to the gym? I need to set a goal for that.

Healthy Goals Are Self-Determined

Goals can take us further, but they only truly help us and are healthy when we decide them for ourselves.

If I’m running, focused on the pace dictated in my ear every km, and I meet an acquaintance in the park, I stop to chat. Too bad for the goal that day. It only exists to help me and not to imprison me.

I started by writing that it’s liberating to run without even headphones. I reaffirm it. I see no problem with this contradiction. Next week I’ll change. Or not. Standing still — of that I’m sure — is a problem.

As Bruce Lee said: even water, if it stands still for too long, goes rotten.

Fabio Haag